NOVEMBER
2011

 

By
Tom Turpin
 
Professor of
Entomology
Purdue University

 

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11-24-11

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You Might Be an Entomologist if…


Stand up comic and TV personality Jeff Foxworthy made a name for himself with a series of "you might be a redneck" one-liners. You know, things like you might be a redneck if you think a stock tip is advice on worming your hogs.

Like many previous good ideas, nearly everyone and his brother have adapted this one for other uses. Such a joke can be used to describe localities: You might be from a small town if you know all your neighbors and their dogs by name. Or you might be from New England if your Dairy Queen is closed from September through May.

Occupations have not been spared the redneck joke craze. You might be an engineer if the first thing you do with a new object is to take it apart to see how it works. You might be a nurse if you have your weekends off planned a year in advance. You might be a pilot if you say or hear "niner" and think nothing of it.

So what kind of things might be used to describe an entomologist in the "you might be a redneck" fashion? Here goes.

You might be an entomologist if you have an insect capture net hanging in the garage.

You might be an entomologist if you have two or more ties with an insect design.

You might be an entomologist if you drive a Volkswagen beetle primarily because it is named after an insect.

You might be an entomologist if several of your Christmas tree decorations are insects.

You might be an entomologist if your all-time favorite horror movies are "Them" and "Mothra."

You might be an entomologist if your spouse reminds you of the time when she found crickets in the oven, because they had jumped out of the pan when you were baking them before making chocolate chirpy-chip cookies.

You might be an entomologist if you have ever modified a Christmas song and called it "The Twelve Bugs of Christmas."

You might be an entomologist if you have ever picked up a road-killed squirrel to feed to your colony of dermestid beetles (larvae and adults are destructive to stored organic materials).

You might be an entomologist if you have ever removed the head of a horsefly to see if it could fly headless.

You might be an entomologist if your patio or porch rails are decorated for parties with dragonfly or ladybug lights.

You might be an entomologist if you have purchased a piece of insect jewelry for your wife on her birthday or your wedding anniversary.

You might be an entomologist if one of your favorite popular songs is "Glowworm" by the Mills Brothers.

You might be an entomologist if you have a "Butterfly Crossing" yellow sign posted on the road near your mailbox.

You might be an entomologist if you once ordered a grasshopper at the bar just because you liked the name.

You might be an entomologist if you own a belt with butterfly belt buckle to wear with your blue jeans.

You might be an entomologist if you have an insect encased in plastic for use as a desk paperweight.

You might be an entomologist if you have a dragonfly light on your desk.

You might be an entomologist if you have a stained-glass insect suncatcher in the window of your home.

My wife says that a category also should exist for spouses and children of entomologists. So here goes.

You might be married to an entomologist if you have discovered a container with frozen insects in the freezer of your refrigerator more than once.

You might be married to an entomologist if he stopped the car to inspect the moths being smashed on the windshield.

You might be married to an entomologist if people keep interrupting pleasant conversations at parties to inquire about the latest approach to getting rid of an insect problem.

You might have an entomologist for a father if you had to ride in the back of a pickup holding an insect net to try to capture dragonflies caught in the airstream moving over the cab.

You might have an entomologist for a father if he has enlisted your help in picking insects off a sheet in front of a black light at night.

You might have an entomologist for a father if getting him a birthday gift is easy – just give him something with insects on it!

There you have it - "you might be a redneck" jokes applied to entomologists!

 

Writer: Tom Turpin
Editor: Olivia Maddox